Day 7: Go slow. There are a lot of bumps on recovery road.

A bumpy uphill "road" circa 2004.

One week ago I was celebrating my last day on the job. I have to admit that it feels like it’s been a lot longer than a week. I think when you are doing something completely new, time moves slower. Your mind logs more of the moments of the day. This may be why I have been somewhat impatient and critical of myself, as it seems like I should be transforming at a quicker pace.

Being in this recovery phase, I have to acknowledge that the road can be slow and painful. Today kind of kicked my ass. I didn’t sleep well last night. After working out four days in a row, in a body that hasn’t exercised in six months, I am in detox. I believe that our fat stores toxins of all kinds. Caffeine, alcohol, stress, anger and fear are all tucked away in parts of your tissues. When you are burning and processing fats, those toxins can be released and at inconvenient times.

Last night, I woke up at 3 am on a caffeine high. I was shaky, restless and wide awake. I drank water, stretched and did my best to meditate myself back into a sleep state. My dreams were crazy and disturbing and included things like losing all my hair. When I woke this morning I thought I was past it. After yoga, I was whipped. I tried to be productive but had to succumb to an hour long nap. I felt guilty about it, but I had to allow myself that as part of this healing process. I think I am in work withdrawal, where I keep trying to do too much in one day, wearing myself out.

I need to give myself a break – in more ways than one. I must remember that I have 100 days or more to catch up on all that has been neglected. I am hoping with the weather being a bit dryer tomorrow, I can get outside and be in nature. My garden needs some love. Digging around in the dirt will be good therapy.

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