Day 14: Nothing pisses me off more than missing out

I was the child who never wanted to go to bed when my parents had friends over. As a teen, I would absolutely pace the house like a caged lioness if there was a party going on that I wasn’t at. Even as an adult, I often go out when I am tired and cranky because, god forbid, people I know have fun without me.

This morning I woke up sick. Yes I went out last night after an active day. Yes, I smoked cigarettes outside in the cold. I possibly deserved it. I would have accepted all that if I woke up to yet another Sloptober day with nothing on my agenda. Instead it was bluebird skies and tonight was a big party downtown – that I planned. Many old friends were expecting me and I am sure they are having a grand old time as I write this. I even got some texts from people who noticed I wasn’t there. It’s killing me. However, what would kill me more is waking up even sicker on another sunny morning with yet another day of childcare and chores and parties to miss out on. I am sure everyone else will be healthier for it too.

Somehow I feel like this was inevitable. It may be part of the cleansing process. My body has been changing radically and I have been digging up all sorts of muck. As soon as I dropped Mel off, I was back home in less than 8 minutes. As I drove I felt thankful that it was not a 4o min round trip to downtown, that I would have to repeat at the end of the day. I dove into my bed and was grateful that I wouldn’t be receiving texts and emails from the office while I was trying rest. I slept deeply for three hours, in freshly cleaned sheets from my housekeeping rampage yesterday. It wasn’t all bad.

Getting sick forces you to slow down. It makes it feel acceptable to take it easy, something I have a hard time doing. Often, when we are immersed in an important project at work, we can’t even allow ourselves a single sick day. On the other hand, a stay-at-home mom rarely gets a sick day. I had time to rest during preschool hours, but had to muster up the strength to make it through the last four hours out of bed before Tom got home. I know there are some husbands that will take a sick day from work to be the caregiver, but that is rare.

I think I need to step up my vigilance, to avoid having to take care of kids while sick. Quitting smoking all together is probably going to have the biggest impact. For now, I am taking my vitamins and getting plenty of rest. I made a batch of fresh ginger tea, to burn out the germs. I even got the idea to add hot apple cider to it (talk about spicy cider). I am hoping that by sacrificing today, I will be able to enjoy the next FIVE days of sun and fun. Taking this day to rest also made me realize I don’t feel like I am missing out on what’s going on in the office, even if they might be having fun without me (yeah, right).

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