“Oh, whatever, money just grows on trees around here.”
That was a comment directed at me in regards to a $5 novelty light bulb. It was startling enough to make me set it aside with the receipt vowing to take it back to Home Depot. When confronted with my concern at his statement, Tom insisted it was really just about the light bulb. I still think it’s more than that.
We had a long talk about money. I know that money fights are one of the sand traps of my choice to give up my paycheck. I wanted to lay it on the table up front with him to make sure no resentment would build secretly. In my 100 days, not only will we have less money, but I will not have earned it in the traditional sense. Tom pointed out that we gave up having our own money when we got a joint account, and have been spending each others money for years. Still, things feel different now.
I could always justify frivolous purchases, by saying “I work hard, I deserve to spend some of my money on fun things for the sake of fun. I still work hard – in a different way – and its still OUR money, but I can’t really use that line anymore. I know I spent more than I should have yesterday and I feel guilty about it. In my defense, they were all things for my daughter. I need to do some soul searching to figure out what is at the root of that kind of indulgence.
I am really good at indulging myself, and not just with shopping. I drink too much and eat to much when I am feeling indulgent. Day 20 was all about indulgence for some reason. At the event I went to there was free wine and beer and free food from my all-time favorite Japanese restaurant. What is it about”free” that makes you think you can eat and drink enough to stock up for the whole week? There is a cost to that kind of consumption, just not a monetary one. I need to write that on my palm in Sharpie next time I go to an all inclusive party.
Maybe that’s the answer to all of it. Sharpie notes. My friend, used to keep a note in her wallet to herself written in Sharpie on a post it. It said something like, “You have willpower.” (Sorry Friend, if I got that wrong). What could mine say… “Think before you indulge” or maybe “Everything has a price.” I’ll work on that and get back to you. Something tells me this sticky subject is going to be a multi-post topic.