No matter what you do or are doing, your mind will do it’s best to find things to be unhappy with. At least that is what my mind does. There are a wide range of degrees of unhappiness, but still have you ever noticed that even when you are screaming and having fun on a roller coaster, you will be thinking of how maybe you should have peed before you got on?
The inside of my brain is pretty noisy. No, I’m not hearing voices. Just me. Me saying things like, “You should really repaint this wall.” “These shoes are too stretched out.” “Does my car need an oil change?” “I really need to call that person back “Are those mom’s looking at me walking off into a chilly day without my daughter wearing a coat, and thinking I’m a bad mom?” “Does anyone else do this?
It helps to write things down on a to do list. Sometimes that gets them out of my mental loop. Other things will stay there, no matter how much I write about them. The longer I procrastinate addressing things, the louder my mind gets. In the last few days I have been doing my best to pick at least one and try to push it out of the way as soon as it pops up. I am also trying to tackle the big ones that have been around for months.
August and September were busy months. We were in Costa Rica, then I had a lot to do to dismantle my life and disconnect from the job and Melody’s daycare. For the last 28 days, I have been slowly addressing neglected items that made my life so loud. I have in fact gotten the oil change in the car. I bought myself a new bra (yep, that was what was really stretched out). I cleaned up the remaining mulch under the tarps in my driveway (since spring). The biggest and most exciting thing I did last night, I bought a new (to me) computer.
The laptop I am using to write this was purchased used in 2004. It was working perfectly for me until only recently. It looks lovely too. Sure, it heats up and the battery life is gone. However it wasn’t until the browser updates recently and the new Itunes release that I became crippled. It has been starting to affect the performance of my iphone, since I can’t update the iOS. Sorry about the tech talk, but I have been battling with this for over six months. We finally decided that my computer is not a frill, it’s an essential tool, and that the budget needed to bend to buy yet another used laptop. I hope that I get another 7 years out of this one, but I doubt it.
I am trying to not just be excited about getting that one out of my head, but to actually be giddy with excitement for my new toy! Yay!