I still haven’t tackled this desk. I am getting rid of stuff, but not what I planned. I had to start from the top of the heap. I have stuff that has been set aside to go away for over a month. I have been keeping a paper shopping bag in my bedroom now for when I find something that I look at and think, “what the *frick* do I do with this?” It goes in the bag. “Ug, I don’t want this anymore.” It goes in the bag. That bag then goes to Goodwill, or just sits in the trunk of my car until I can get to Goodwill. Lately a lot of stuff has been going into the garbage because that’s what it is.
Yesterday I tackled the big pile of clothes I keep next to my nightstand that I hadn’t put away. In that pile I found my work purse. ACK! It was filthy. Not only was there garbage in it, but there were three usb drives, Melody’s old daycare keypass, and all sorts of random stuff (defunct business cards included). It was so cathartic to clean it out. I came close to trashing that bag – because frankly it’s trashed – but I’m not ready to throw away Coach.
Today I was the recycling queen. I took a big pile of dry cleaner bags and hangars back to the dry cleaner, and then picked up my dry cleaning from the wedding last week. I took a bunch of toys and clothes to the kids consignment store, and used my existing credit to buy Melody a tricycle (yay!). I took the copper innards of our broken InstaHot to West Seattle Recycling and they gave me $5 (sweet!). I took three bags of stuff to Goodwill and well, I didn’t take anything home but a receipt – mainly because I was exhausted by then.
I also posted a Melody’s dresser/changing table on Craigslist this morning (no response yet), but I hope to use the money from that to buy a new coffee table from Ikea. I also want to sell her big train table that we have been using as a coffee table, whose bins fill up with all the toys on the living room floor and buy her a little dresser and art/project station. We took that big honkin’ thing out to the back porch because we had a Halloween party. We haven’t had the desire to bring it back in because of how much less crap collects in the living room now that it’s not there.
All of this has come with a glimmer of hope. I have been starting to envision spaces. Spaces that are empty and waiting (Sherry, I think this is what you meant by “spaciousness”). I want to make space in the places where we store things we don’t use and make sure we have places for projects and experiments. Even just cleaning off Melody’s dresser to take the photo, she started to play on that open surface, instead of my kitchen table or living room floor. I want to make her an art wall with clothes line and clothes pins so we can keep a rotating art exhibit. It’s all got to start empty so that we can have the joy of filling it, and not with more stuff we buy, but our creative energy.
Maybe I’m not ready to start tackling this desk or that scary box in the garage from my desk at work. No. I just really need to bust through that wall. The more stuff I let go of, the more great ideas pop into my head. No more procrastinating. It’s time.