This could turn out to be the most boring blog post ever, but I doubt it. There is a lot of boring crap on the internet. In fact, I currently seem to be mired in it. Suddenly there is nothing good on TV, Netflix, Facebook, Twitter, or (gasp) Youtube. There is nothing I really feel like doing. Forget chores, those are always tedious. The work I am doing isn’t particularly inspiring, but it’s easy and rhythmic to do, and I am happy to be earning. Some good fast-paced music gets me through anything with a deadline. It’s the things that should be exciting to me: networking, forging ahead on my dreams, and vacation planning, that I am procrastinating.
I feel it is a somewhat momentous breakthrough to acknowledge my boredom. I have had the thought before, “Hmmmm, I’m bored.” But it usually incites action, mixed with a bit of panic. My normal response to this thought would be to get on the phone, turn to my to-do list, make an elaborate meal, and/or start drinking. Lately, instead of those things, I have just been examining it, wondering, why. Why is this life boring me?
I heard an interesting piece on NPR a few days ago about procrastination. I didn’t catch the full segment, and there were sections I couldn’t hear over my family’s racket. What I did hear amounted to: instead of beating yourself about procrastinating doing something, think to yourself, “Is this worth doing?” They said procrastination was symptom of the conflict between two parts of yourself who disagree about wanting to do something. It’s was convoluted to explain, but basically they said you have to get both parts of yourself to come to consensus on the activity.
As I write this, I am realizing that the lack of time I have spent writing this month, may be at the heart of my boredom. My rationalization could only be that my life has been too boring to write about. ie “Nothing interesting to say.” My solution here is to write about how boring my life actually is.
I also now realize that my boredom is a mere contrast to the vast upheaval of the last six months. What could be more exciting than turning your life on it’s head and doing everything in a new and different way? Now that I have settled into a pattern, the rate of change has slowed. On one hand it’s comforting and restful. On the other hand “easy” is poison to my soul.
It’s time to pick the mirror back up and start writing more. I have a few posts that I have been procrastinating on, that I will need to take a hard look at the value of. If I can’t get myself to do them, I just need to move on. Meanwhile, I should keep writing about my boring life until it’s not boring anymore.